These are 3 different things. Toner and essence are basically used in skin care routine while primer is a make up routine.
Toner is used just after cleansing to calm the skin, it has watery texture. It soothes skin as cleanser can be too stripping for some people.
Essence is somewhat like toner+serum and used after toner and before serum. It gives your skin the extra hydration. Exp- Snail mucin essence by Cosrx.
Primer is a silicone based thick cream which is used before foundation. You can skip it if you are not taking make up. The silicone particles in this cream/ gel makes your pores look smaller and foundation coverage is good if used after this.
I used to face this problem but now that i am following a proper routine of skincare it has improved a lot.
I want you to understand that the more oily our skin feels the more de-hydrated it is. De-hydrated skin often produces more sebum especially for oily and combination skin. So keep the skin hydrated and it will replace the oil with water particles in pore which will lead to a nice glowy and younger skin.
I would suggest to start using some Hydrating Korean essence and serum after cleansing and toning. Stay away from toners with astringent properties rather look for a toner with cintella or propolis. For essence choose a snail mucin or niacinamide rich one. Last but not the least never forget the moisturiser. Oily skin also needs moisture. Choose a moisturiser to lock all the goodness of essence & toner. I personally like the cosrx rice mask and Klairs freshly juiced vitamin E mask. Never forget sunscreen in your AM routine as final step.